Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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