o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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