I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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