Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
