Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
