Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
