ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize