you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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