I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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