Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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