yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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