...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
