How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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