i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she looked like the before picture.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
