i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
