by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize