if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
