after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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