Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
