found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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