i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
