My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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