I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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