I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
