dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
