i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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