There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
