That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
