Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
