I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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