Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
