wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
