You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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