After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
