so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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