just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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