the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize