You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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