the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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