I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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