So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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