She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
