I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize