My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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