i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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