just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize