dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
