It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
