I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize