How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize