I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
