I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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