I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
