she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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