i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You can't just leave with hair like that
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
