I wish they made helmets for livers.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize