dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
