I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
