I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
