WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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