just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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