what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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