we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you didnt know i had herpes?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
