YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
