a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
