i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
