i already hear my dad disowning me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
