my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Those nachos came to me in a dream
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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