I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
