I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize