The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
