We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
