Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
