So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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