mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
