had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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