hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
farters have to be the big spoon...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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