i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
