I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize