she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
