remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
