just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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